Dream: On April 4, 2021 I had a dream: I asked two ladies for written feedback on my work which I felt I deserved. Some unseen authority figure told them they had to write my feedback. One of these female figures wrote on paper some words that were in cursive, in bullet format. The other one gave a written text that looked like it was borrowed from some internet site. When I reviewed it more closely, I was disappointed that the feedback appeared hasty and not really that helpful. Plus it was forced and not coming from their spontaneous appraisal of my work.
Place: In a classroom type environment
People/objects: papers, 2 women who were esteemed, one authority figure- a man who is unseen
Turning point: Reversal of feeling from the request I made; wanted it to be feedback that was positive and it ended being cursory and rather flat written feedback
Dream drama: Was looking for affirmation from females
Emotional reaction: Somewhat left flat, discouraged rather than encouraged
Lysis: What compensates the original exposition of the dream? : In the outer world of work, I feel that I am rather isolated without constructive guidance. I wanted feedback on my work
since I work in a solo practice. But the results were disappointing as they were giving feedback but were rather inferior in their comments. Conclusion: forced
commentary on individual work from others falls short. Don’t waste your time looking outside for commentary even when you feel alone in your work.
Astrological Psychology context:
Technical: My Age Point (AP) is on the first house cardinal zone within 1.5 degrees from my ascendant. The AP trines to my 4th house natal Moon stimulating my Double Ambivalence figure with quincunx. Right now Sun and Venus are conjunct by transit the natal Moon in my 4th house. In my chart Saturn takes no aspects from other planets and stands alone in the 9th house. In my Moon Node Chart, Saturn is unaspected in the 8 house. When Saturn, an ego planet is unaspected and the most elevated planet, it is insecure, doubtful and needy. “Compensating” for lack of protection inside the psyche by grabbing knowledge of the higher mind. In this way it’s motivation is the need for security. (Astrological Psychology- ED Hopewell, p. 63))
The Double Ambivalence figure is a manager and is always looking for stability and balance by looking at polar opposites. I Show a conscious attitude of one side of an issue but then act on the polar opposite side without warning.(Aspect pattern astrology – Huber, p. 143). In carrying out this inner theme, I do so in a manner which is receptive, intemperate, intuitive and powerful (Maestro program: semantic words associated with aspects in Double Ambivalence figure).
On another level of Archetypes, The Great Mother/ Terrible Mother who is the dweller of the threshold must give permission for me to enter the unconscious and uncharted waters of the dream world. She has authority to determine whether my work is satisfactory. In the integration chart (which is a combination between the natal and moon node chart), Saturn and the Moon are connected which refers to my karmic need to check out with the Discerning Mother whether my work is valuable.(Transformation- Huber p. 185) A deep seated insecurity related to the meaning of my authorship in Astrological Psychology motivates me to seek re-assurance that my work is needed and wanted. From the authorities, mostly of whom are women, in the Astrological world. So the dream illustrate how my emotional dependence on the judgement of a woman (Saturn in the Natal and Moon Node charts) really is important to my karmic ties to the past and my present life.
Developmental issue highlighted by my dream and aspects by AP and planetary transits:
I am 72 years of age , at a stage of life in which I reflect at the problems of my younger years with a more mature eye; instead of getting guidance from others (which in my case was looking for approval outside of myself), I own my creative thinking. My dream is telling me that I should not look for feedback and guidance outside myself only because it could not be useful. The challenge is to look within by relying on my inner feeling, intuition and power to manage my work on my own. Besides the feedback may be not be good quality when it is forced by conventional authority and where projection of my attitude toward females in power generates in me fear of rejection.
There may have been no significant outer events that triggered this dream. Saturn is the karmic ego planet which conveys the prescription for the native’s inner security based on the protection given by the mother figure. Saturn in the form of my real mother was a product of my personal unconscious. My biological mother was a school teacher and disciplinarian as far as my studies as a young learner was concerned. So, this dream may be reflecting a projection from my Anima based on that primary relationship with the feminine. I know, ideally, all my physical needs were taken care of but a Saturn in the 9th house natal chart wants an expansive, generous and accepting authority in the mother. And in my Natal chart and historically, that quality of the 9th house was conditional in my mind based on my never ending need for reassurance and discipline from those in authority. My mother as a great teacher did reassure me but there was somewhat not total acceptance of me (which is a long family story not needed here). In the case represented by those who are the guardians of the Huber Astrological Psychology gates of acceptance/rejection. I projected on them the feminine as I knew it historically however distorted. The subpersonality of “Needy Ned” represents my need for protection and security from those institutions and personas who symbolize the higher mind. “Needy Ned” is here to remind me to finally accept my own work on the merits, I give it and put the desire for reassurance that my astrological psychology work is acceptable in the proper context.